The day I got divorced
The day I got divorced to the love of my life was the day my life was put on halt. This was a day, long long ago, so long ago that I couldn’t even tell you when it happened.
On this day, I divorced myself.
I hated myself. I was in therapy weekly, on meds, never truly happy, so why try? I was going through the motions of life but there was not life in me.
Why do I have to take care of myself? All I want to do it take care of others. I lived off of Dr Pepper, Twix bars, Fruity Pebbles, and Cafe Rio. As all these things are still my major sweet spots, I hated to think of myself and what I was doing to take care of me.
Working 15 hour days and hating life. I kept myself as busy as I could so I wouldn’t have time to think about myself. What I told myself was that it was worth not taking care of me because I am taking care of others. If you couldn’t tell I grew up a big people pleaser.
Having gone through multiple divorced parents, parents adopting kids, and other parents having more kids while, I am the oldest and was thrown into the role of being the second mom.
The truth is - this is when I was the MOST SELFISH. All I was doing was for myself. It wasn’t truly to help others. I was just trying to fill my schedule with ways on how to avoid myself.
This is why a Lotus is my symbol. A Lotus flower grows in mud and muck, yet it still comes to full bloom and outshines all the shiz that is going on around it.
Shining your light is not selfish. Holding it back is. If we all held our inner lotus for ourselves then where would the beauty in the world come from?
“Be like a lotus. Let the beauty of your heart speak. Be grateful to the mud, water, air and light.”
- Amit Ray
I challenge yourself to shine your light. If you are holding back, try to shine one time a week. Then move to 2 times a week, and work your way up until you are doing it every day.
Ideas to let your light shine and sprout your inner lotus is to;
Practice Yoga (My favorite is BUTI Yoga)
Make a decoration for your house
go on a random drive around town
Try a new coffee house or dessert bar
Turn off your phone (social media) for 12 hours and see what happens
I dare you to let your Lotus bloom.
I dare you to let your light shine.
I dare you to spread your light in the world by taking care of you.